


rhythm of a wild heart

by WaveGoodbye



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Honestly Kara does too, How about they just comfort each other?, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, post-reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 16:38:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19322023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaveGoodbye/pseuds/WaveGoodbye
Summary: Betrayal is not an unfamiliar thing.As wretchedly sad as it would be to admit aloud, or indeed to herself, Lena knew it as distinctly as she knew herself. She knew the way it felt in her chest, the weight of it inside her body and the bitter taste it always left in her mouth until she chased it away. Some betrayals were lesser than others. Some stung but failed to surprise her, some barely gained a reaction, and some came out of nowhere and sent her reeling and overly self-analytical to see where she went wrong, what she had done to deserve it. The answer was usually simple: her name.She just never expects it from Kara.





	rhythm of a wild heart

Betrayal is not an unfamiliar thing.

As wretchedly sad as it would be to admit aloud, or indeed to herself, Lena knew it as distinctly as she knew herself. She knew the way it felt in her chest, the weight of it inside her body and the bitter taste it always left in her mouth until she chased it away. Some betrayals were lesser than others. Some stung but failed to surprise her, some barely gained a reaction, and some came out of nowhere and sent her reeling and overly self-analytical to see where she went wrong, what she had done to deserve it. The answer was usually simple: her name.  
  
She just never expects it from Kara.

Sometimes there was nothing more in the world Lena wanted than to change her fucking name. The Luthor name was like a cancer and she wanted no part in it anymore. Of course, that wasn't true. Not completely. The power and privilege synonymous with the Luthor family name was as heady and addictive as only one other thing in her life. For the amount of good she succeeded in doing thanks to the freedom her family name afforded her and the lack of limitations she had in both her career and everyday life, it came at a mighty cost. A cost she sometimes felt she would never be able to repay; head always just above water.

 

More than money, more than blood. Maybe her soul. Maybe that would be enough. Maybe that's what happened to everyone she called family.

 

Almost everyone.

 

A family forged with friendship, love, and mutual respect was the strongest foundation she had ever built; something even each and every dollar to her name would never be able to buy.

 

Lena's mouth twists when the image of Kara invades her again.

 

Betrayal: Lena was accustomed to it until it came so far out of left field that she might as well have been blind for all she saw it coming.

  
Blind, deaf, and dumb, Lena amends as she pores over documents littered across her desk for the latest marketing proposals now that she was the sole heiress to the entire Luthor fortune as soon as Lillian was gone. Her laptop is open to her e-mail inbox where the names and contact information of her next employee waited for her. Both tasks needed to be completed before she could leave the office.

 

Hiring and firing came with the job, and sometimes she enjoyed both parts under the right circumstances. But not tonight. Not now.

 

Lena _knew_ betrayal. She knew it in every sense of the word, each and every way, and she carried it around with her everywhere she went, like a chronic pain. Alcohol took the edge off, of course, but there was no way in hell Lena would be caught drinking heavily in the office during daytime hours, at least not when under the guise of being sociable with whichever visitors she had for the day. No, drinking would not do.

 

Someone had been brave, several weeks ago. Brave and stupid enough to ask what had happened to her because she didn't seem quite like herself lately.

 

Lena had imagined slapping her new assistant.

 

The fantasy reaction was intrusive and alarmingly sudden, and the blood pumping around her body should have made her feel alive, powerful, but Lena had fled the office for the day and cancelled all meetings to go home alone, disgusted with herself.

 

It was like a parasite, it didn't take long.

 

Turning into _that_ hadn't taken long at all.

 

A few short weeks of knowing Kara and all of their friends had been lying to her for years did that to a girl.

 

Kara still smiles at her the same, that's the twist of the knife.

 

They had their lunch dates, coffee dates, game nights, and Kara was… Kara. She was the same blue-eyed, blonde haired woman who lit up every time she saw her, each time Lena would indulge her with a laugh or a hug. Lena would still listen to the work stories, listen to Kara vent about an anonymous source or article topic, or how she hated feeling jealous when Alex was busy with Kelly and too busy to hang out, especially as Kara had worked through it before with Maggie.

 

Lena knew another vent was coming before she'd shown up at Kara's door with dinner, as per Kara's request.

 

_"Please? I've had… just… the worst day, okay, and all I want is an evening with you and a full belly, and I'll be me again instead of this bitchy, grouchy mess."_

 

Alien, Lena had thought spitefully. But of course it doesn't make it to her lips.

 

Music is playing when Lena gets there.

 

She can hear it through the door; loud without being too disrespectful to the neighbours. It was a band she and Kara had danced to last year. Lena remembers being not entirely sober and liking the way Kara's body moved, acknowledging it only to herself and allowing a drunken, indulgent fantasy for one night only, bringing forth a strong, pulsing orgasm later that night as she lay beside her sleeping boyfriend. She’d been worked up for weeks, mediocre sex without even one grand finale and having Kara around, who was both unfairly attractive and the most tactile person Lena knew, did that to her. Lena felt weird about it as long as it took for the aftershocks to fade and her heart stop thudding, and then she placed it to the back of her mind as if it had never happened.

 

Lena's knuckles barely rap the door before the music is turned down and the door pulled open.

 

It’s such a telltale sign that Lena wonders how many times she has been such a fucking idiot to miss it.

 

"Hey."

 

Lena can _hear_ the smile in her voice even if she can’t see Kara's face on account of being pulled in for a hug.

 

Lena's pulse races with venom, she’s sure of it. Her belly tightens with the urge to push Kara away, to get her so far away that she can no longer recall how her friend felt in her arms.

 

"Good to see you too, Kara," Lena says politely, yet lacking some of the warmth she knows Kara to be accustomed to.

 

If the lack of reciprocation is noticed, Kara doesn’t say anything as she withdraws and takes the takeout bag with glee, heading over to the kitchen where heated plates wait on the counter.

 

"I can't wait for this. I swear I've been dreaming about Indian food for days."

 

"I thought you said Italian," Lena says as she follows behind, eyes following a familiar, traitorous path down the length of Kara's body, just about finished when surprised blue eyes stare at her. Lena knows the pinched look on her own face appears genuine enough to pass as sincere. "I'm so sorry."

 

"Oh, no, don't worry." Kara's face does that thing it does when she’s trying to backtrack and placate, her easy-going nature out in full force.

 

Lena reaches into her purse for good measure. "Please, give me twenty minutes and I can have my driver collect and deliver the most delicious samosas and biryani you've ever had."

 

She knows Kara loves that: those tiny displays of authority. It doesn’t take long for Kara to laugh softly and beat Lena's hand away, cheeks dusting for a moment.

 

"I might have _said_ Indian, but what I meant was Italian."

 

"Is that right?"

 

"Yes, it is," Kara answers confidently as she begins to open containers, unaffected by the steam burns she should be reacting to. "I put beer in the fridge last night."

 

"Congratulations."

 

"Yeah, you can't have any, I was just saying."

 

"No wine?" There’s a twinge of disappointment there but Lena knows they usually have beer with Indian food and it was only a couple of days post game night so Kara wouldn't have had the time to stock back up.

 

"Sorry." Kara gestures with both hands full of heaving plates as she moves towards the table. "But… I got the beer you like. Points?"

 

Kara went out of her way to lie for years, but she makes a point to buy a brand of beer she knows Lena would enjoy? Lena isn’t sure she knows Kara, or ever did, for that matter, but that sort of behaviour is also so very Kara Danvers that she knows it will keep her awake later that night. One extra thing to swim around in her head.  
  
Lena wonders if Kara has any idea how much this has hurt, if the same relaxed energy would radiate from her if Lena were to admit she knew the truth.  
  
"Who's keeping score, darling? Water is fine."

 

They eat with a familiar mix of silence and easy conversation, all while Lena chokes down as much of dinner as she dared to, all going down in one big lump despite how carefully she chewed. She’s afraid it will all come back up, and if that came up then what else would come spewing out like vitriol? No, she would not be that helpless to her emotions like some pathetic, undisciplined child.

 

Lena has to be smart about it. She has to be so much like the old Lena that Kara will pick up on some slight differences but brush them off as paranoia, slowly eating away at her.

 

Lena watches Kara as she eats easily, almost cleared her plate compared to Lena's half empty, watches her tip a bottle of beer to her lips and take an impressive drink.

 

How many times had she thanked God for Kara, prayed for someone like her? Surely her God would never be that cruel.

 

The parasite was back.

 

Lena's gaze falls to the fork held loosely in Kara's hand. It was too easy to imagine her own fingers squeezed around the utensil as it stabbed through the back of Kara's hand, too easy to imagine the shock on Kara's face, the _betrayal_ , the blood.

 

But of course, there would be no blood. More accurately, any injury would likely be to her own hand.

 

Both images are like claws over Lena's skin.  
  
She hates herself for thinking it and she hates herself for feeling any sort of guilt for it, too. She has every right to revenge, something deep down tells her. Wait for it, it says. Revel in it.

 

Tears prick at her eyes but then Kara is smiling the way she only ever does for Lena, and just like that, Lena can breathe.

 

"When was the last time you escaped from everything, had like a real vacation where your phone wasn’t permanently attached to your hand?" Kara asks, out of the blue. "I just had the best visual of us vacaying together on the hottest beach. Not too hot," she adds, "plenty of cover, _lots_ of drinks, even more food, and so many gorgeous people that I— won't even know where to look.  What do you think? Next year, maybe. Give myself time to save up a little and stop impulse buying all those candles. They add up."

 

Lena wants so badly to hate her.

 

She wants nothing more than to hate her.

 

Part of her does, but it isn’t big enough. Not yet.

 

"To a plane ticket?" Lena questions, a brow perfectly raised. Kara's answering chuckle is like a blade through her chest.

 

"You don't know how many I buy! I have a problem and I've admitted it. That's the first step, right?"

 

Lena has a problem as well, but she was a long way off admitting it.

 

Perhaps she should have told Kara she knew the night Lex died. She could have gone straight to her and asked her to explain, make her understand no matter what it took because there had to have been a reason Kara had lied for so long.

 

It wasn't just that she had lied once, or even a few times. It was every day. It was big things, small things, every fucking thing. How much of it was real for Kara? All those times Lena finally felt normal was because of Kara's friendship and steadfast belief in her. All those times she finally felt safe enough to be exactly who she was, good parts and bad, none of them were real. Lena laughs about it sometimes. She laughs, she cries, and she imagines the most heinous things.

 

Sometimes it’s too late at night and Lena is too far down an expensive bottle of scotch to fight it.

 

It was almost the same every time.

 

Kara would be crying, a useless slave to her emotions, and Lena would loathe her for it, for acting like she gave a damn, for swearing to God that she never meant any of it and if Lena would just let her explain, she could make it better. Lena would deny her, of course, would never, ever cry in front of her again and she would play Supergirl like a mastered instrument.

 

Lena doesn’t sleep those nights.  
  
It would be manageable if those nights were few and far between, or at least two nights per week at maximum, but what had filtered in as a trickle in the beginning had swelled and raged into a stream and she had long been consumed by it.  
  
Lena doesn’t remember the last time she slept.  
  
At first, it’s sort of… invigorating. The little scenarios she dreams up, the dialogue she’s brave and witty enough to think up on the drop of a hat. It encompasses her into a blanket of control that nobody can take away from her. It keeps her shoulders up and back straight. For a couple of weeks.  
  
Her shoulders slump, eventually.  
  
One day during a quite tame fantasy of making Kara hurt the way she did, Lena imagines Kara crying and that was it, she’d had enough.

  


  
\--

  
  


For the second time of the day, Camila Sanchez blinks up at the demanding gaze directed towards her. At first it was her boss Miss Luthor who, frankly, looked as if she’d pulled an all-nighter. Not the fun kind, judging by the commanding though flat tone.  
  
Kara frowns. “Can you check again?”  
  
“Your name was the only one on that list. Miss Luthor told me to lose it herself, Miss Danvers.”  
  
Kara doesn't want this girl to lose her job over this, but Lena doesn’t like incompetence and usually reacts stronger where she’s concerned. Her gaze drifts over towards Lena’s office door, a quick scan to see if she’s in there. She’s not. “Could—would you call her, tell her I’m here?”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
Kara smiles. “Like, tell her I’m fine waiting. Nowhere to be.”  
  
Camila stutters. “I mean, of course I could, it’s just that Miss Luthor’s out of office.”  
  
Kara deflates a bit. “Oh. How long?”  
  
“I’m not sure. She told me she was taking a trip and to take care of everything for the next few weeks.”  
  
“Weeks?” Kara parrots, lifting her glasses back up her nose. She watches the new assistant with a critical eye, trying to see if there’s any visible sign of a poorly-timed joke. There isn’t.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Did she say where?”  
  
“No. But even if she did, I don’t think she would appreciate me gossiping with a reporter. I got rent that doesn’t pay itself, you know?”  
  
“I’m not a _reporter_ ,” Kara dismisses. “I’m her best friend.”  
  
_Who had no idea she had skipped town_ hung silent between them. Kara’s eyes harden as if the assistant actually voiced them.

 

She doesn’t get more than five feet away from the desk until she’s holding her phone up to her ear, a peculiar sensation washing over her. Everything fades into the background as the call rings out. It stops and Kara breathes out. “Lena-”  
  
It isn’t Lena.  
  
It’s her voicemail, momentarily tricking Kara into a false sense of relief.  
  
“Lena, hey, it’s Kara. Is everything all right? Your assistant said you’re on some sort of… vacation? I don’t remember you mentioning anything about a solo- will you call me back? Please?” Kara cringes inwardly at how needy she sounds but the genuine concern stops her short of apologising for it. “Any time. You know me: total night owl.”  
  
She’s exiting the elevator when her Lena tone alerts her to a new text message. It reads like a custom automatic response.  
  
_Off-grid for a while._ _  
_ _Direct any matters of urgency back to my assistant or Samantha Arias, Metropolis Division._ _  
_ _L._ _  
_ _  
_ Lena doesn’t go off-grid. Kara knows she takes her cellphone in the bathroom when she’s taking a shower sometimes, only drying her hands before resuming an e-mail or otherwise correspondence. While it isn’t healthy, Kara would prefer that to the unexpected mystery of where and why Lena has unplugged, so to speak.  
  
An ominous feeling swirls in Kara’s belly the next morning. By midday it’s difficult to concentrate on eating her lunch, nevermind work. By evening she thinks there’s a brick in her stomach.  
  
For the five times she’s tried to contact Lena in twenty-four hours, Kara has received exactly five responses back, all saying the same thing.  
  
“I’m going to look for her,” Kara declares to her audience of one, setting aside a mug of coffee on the kitchen counter.  
  
It isn’t so much that it’s dramatic— Alex knows how passionate Kara can be, especially regarding Lena, it’s more the fact that she knows there’s no plan there. There’s also the added fact that Alex isn’t worried. “Kara, you can’t.”  
  
“Supergirl can.”  
  
Alex levels her with a look. “Has Lena called for her?”  
  
Kara visibly struggles with what to do next. “What if she _can’t_ ?” she retorts. “What am I supposed to do? None of this feels right. She would tell me if she needed a break. We were talking about it last week over dinner. I suggested we go somewhere together. She didn’t say anything about being burned out or-”  
  
“After everything that’s happened lately? Lex being worse than ever? I think going off-grid is a good call. It’ll be good for her.”  
  
“I mean, I agree, _obviously_ , but it doesn’t explain why she didn’t tell me.”  
  
Unarmed with an immediate answer, Alex shrugs. “Ask her when she gets back,”  
  
“Right, and when is that going to be?” Kara lifts her glasses up and chews on her lip. “She would have told me.”  
  
“Kara.”  
  
“What?” Kara argues against the warning tone. “I have a feeling in my gut that something is off. Are you really not going to trust me on this?”

  
Alex sighs and touches the back pocket of her jeans, casts her eyes across the countertop and then to the couch where she spies her phone. She feels Kara’s watchful gaze as she goes to retrieve it and as she taps and scrolls to Lena’s contact information and holds the phone to her ear. There’s a challenging arch of Kara’s brow developing by the time voicemail kicks in, fully-fledged by the time Alex gets a text message moments after hanging up.  
  
_Off-grid for a while._ _  
_ _Direct any matters of urgency back to my assistant or Samantha Arias, Metropolis Division._ _  
_ _L._ _  
_ _  
_ “You know this doesn’t prove anything,” Alex reasons. “If anything, it goes in my favour.”  
  
“We should call James.” As soon as the name leaves her lips, Kara wishes it hadn’t. “Not James. Definitely not James.”  
  
“Sam.”  
  
Kara’s eyes widen. “Sam.”  
  
“It’s worth a shot.” Kara nods at that, an expectant expression on her face. Alex’s hardens. “No. You want to know? You call.”  
  
“I’m too nervous!”  
  
“Oh, don’t even.”  
  
“What if she’s heard from her? What if she hasn’t?”  
  
“Then you find out if this is personal?”  
  
Kara feels nauseous. “You know, Ruby might pick up? A phone call from _Auntie Alex_ would mean so much more to her than-”  
  
Alex scoffs. “For God’s sake, Kara.”  
  
Sam answers just as Alex thinks she won’t.  
  
Kara doesn’t use her super-hearing as Alex crosses her apartment, pacing a familiar path over the rug. All she can hear is her own heart above Alex’s good manners in asking how the Arias family is doing. Sam must be the first to mention Lena because Alex’s eyes flick straight to Kara’s before echoing Lena’s name.  
  
Kara focuses.  
  
“Have you heard anything? She’s gone all radio silent and we’re a little-”  
  
“Look, Alex…”  
  
“Sam.”  
  
“She called me last night. Late.”  
  
“And?” Kara presses, loud enough for it to carry.  
  
“It’s just Kara,” Alex explains. “Lena called?”  
  
“Yeah,” Sam confirms. “It was late, she was drunk, she wasn’t making much sense. She hung up on me. I called her back this morning and she apologised for last night and the extra workload I’m about to have, said she’s going remote to decompress and she’ll be in touch soon. Look, she asked me not to say anything so don’t make me regret telling you this.”  
  
“What did she say last night?”  
  
“She asked me if I knew too.”  
  
  
  
  
\--  
  
  
  
  
Kara calls Lena every day.  
  
Lena uses her phone when she has to, which isn’t often the past three weeks. Most of the time it’s work-related, things she’s unable to delegate or ignore, and every single time Kara’s name pops up on her homescreen with the number inside the parentheses climbing every few hours as well as the space taken up in her voicemail.  
  
She listens to one of them.  
  
_“Lena, I’m so, so sorry. Please, call me back and I’ll explain everything to you, I promise.”_ _  
_ _  
  
_

Lena doesn’t call. Instead, like any self-respecting Luthor, she gets very, very drunk.    
  
Much like the decision to leave, the decision to return to National City comes swiftly. The night before, to be precise. It all feels slightly off from the moment her plane touches down all the way through to getting home and freshening up. That feeling only intensifies when she exits her car and thanks her driver.  
  
Lena walks through the doors of LCorp, heels clacking loudly on the marbled floor as she goes. Eyes follow her. They always do. She smooths out the front of her blouse and swipes at what looks to be a stray hair that must have fallen out when she was pulling her hair into an unforgivingly tight ponytail.  
  
Everyone appears to stop breathing the moment the elevator doors open to reveal their boss. Lena lifts her chin and offers what she hopes to be a polite smile. After that, she’s greeted professionally by just about everyone. Everyone except her newest assistant who stumbles over an office chair in her haste to deliver a sizeable stack of folders to Lena herself.  
  
“Miss Luthor, I didn’t know you were coming!”  
  
Lena glances away from the files now tucked into her chest to stare blandly. “The element of surprise, Miss Sanchez. Never underestimate it.”  
  
“Mrs,” Camila corrects, instantly wishing she hadn’t. Her head shakes. “Coffee?”  
  
Lena’s head inclines. “And a jug of water. Have everything brought in to me, and please draw up a draft of my schedule for the next week. God knows I’ll need to prepare.”  
  
“Of course, Miss Luthor. Anything else?”  
  
“You’ll be the first to know.”  
  
Her office is pristine as usual and she inhales through her nose at the door, bracing herself as she walks over to her desk. Different memories shared with Kara and Supergirl blot in their various locations, little soundbites from their conversations.  
  
_“And who are you, exactly?”_ _  
__  
__“Uh, I’m Kara Danvers. I’m not with the Daily Planet, I’m with Catco Magazine.”_ _  
__  
__  
__“I think when I feel things again, I’m going to be very, very afraid of the person I might be.”_ _  
__  
__“You don’t have to be afraid. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”_ _  
__  
__“Promise?”_ _  
__  
__“I will always be your friend, and I will always protect you. I promise.”_ _  
__  
_ Lena glances to the balcony.  
  
_“How did you know?”_ _  
__  
__“I was-- getting coffee with Kara Danvers when you called.”_ _  
__  
__“That’s lucky!”_ _  
__  
_ Lena flings her purse to the floor dismissively, sneering at a patch of concrete that has never done her wrong. God, she was an idiot. Perhaps she should dress up as a clown for Halloween.  Minimal effort sounds like bliss.  
  
The chair bounces slightly as she drops into it. Lena rolls it closer to her desk and puts the files down, sliding the morning newspaper closer. While admittedly she does scan through it in favour of an in-depth read, she sees no mention of Lex. However quickly she read, missing a variation of a Luthor murder headline? Not likely.  
  
Camila knocks loudly and waits an appropriate time before Lena sees her coming through with what better be a steaming double espresso and the requested schedule. Luckily it is.  
  
“Any news on my brother?”  
  
“No, Miss Luthor, no new developments. Should I-”  
  
“That’ll be all, thank you.”  
  
“I’ll be back with your water.”  
  
Lena already feels a headache coming on.  


 

  
  
\--

  
  


Kara is in a closed building site busy dodging a scaffolding tube when Alex's voice comes in loud and clear through the comm.

 

"Kara, she's back."

 

Her vision goes spotty.

 

The small-time alien of the week gets the upper hand and swings a galvanised steel pipe like it’s a baseball bat, connecting with Kara's head hard enough that it should have been torn clear off her shoulders.

 

Kara shakes it off, taking a moment to realise she's now across the building yard and under a pile of rubble suspiciously similar to the new wall that no longer stands.

 

She speeds out, skidding to a stop in front of him with a threatening glare. His deer in the headlights expression barely registers before she remembers.

 

Lena.

 

It’s the fastest deposit to the DEO’s cell population Kara recalls in a long time. She doesn’t stick around, not even as Alex rushes over, and Kara is aware of her bad tendency to sometimes dismiss her sister’s feelings on some matters but she doesn’t care. She speeds off to the closest balcony and shoots up to the sky, knowing what Alex would have said given half the chance, anyway.  
  
Even with the wind in her ears, Kara can hear Alex’s warning on the danger of bombarding Lena too quickly and, purely as a precautionary measure until they know what they’re dealing with, don’t be alone with her. But Kara doesn’t care about any of that.  
  
She’s within blocks in almost no time at all, nerves hitting as soon as she spots the familiar LCorp building. Kara hovers by the roof far longer than she’ll admit to anyone when retelling the story.  
  
Lena is sat at her desk with her lawyer present as she signs her name with the typical elegant flair, consenting to company funding a new set of preliminary medical trials involving LCorp technology and amputee soldiers. It was pocket change in the grand scheme of things, especially after the profitable selling of Catco.  
  
Lena raises to shake his hand. “A pleasure, as always.”  
  
He smiles. “You’ve always been my favourite Luthor to do business with.”  
  
The answering grin on Lena’s face falters when she glances down to the black screen of her computer, a flash of red and blue easily detectable, the family crest and blonde, flowing hair all a dead giveaway. There was no-one else it could be. Of all the ways Lena had imagined their reunion going, this was not one of them. The realisation was not dissimilar to cold water down her spine. Never underestimate the element of surprise, indeed.  
  
Lena is nothing if not experienced in the art of putting on a brave face. She slips back into business mode seamlessly, pressing an intercom button on top of her desk. “I don’t doubt it. Please forgive me for not escorting you to your car. Allow my assistant to accompany you? Don’t tell her I said so but she makes great coffee if you’d like some to go.”  
  
Kara is still hovering outside as her lawyer is led away by Camila.  
  
Lena sits back down, staring at the screen. The wind picks up; she sees Kara’s cape and hair blowing. The longer Lena looks, the more her increasing heart rate gives her away. She angles her head away so that her chin rests just on her shoulder, taking those necessary moments to prepare. Her eyes slip shut for the few seconds she allows herself. Another few inches and she’ll see Kara as Supergirl, right in broad daylight.  
  
Moments later, just like pulling off a band-aid, Lena turns, spinning in her chair. Supergirl is gone. Whether or not she is relieved at the sight, Lena can’t tell.  
  
A reminder alarm goes off on her phone for a meeting in fifteen minutes in one of the board rooms. Her hands tremble as she picks it up to acknowledge it.  
  
The meeting goes about as well as expected, nothing ranking too highly in importance or mentally challenging. One of her Chinese investors dropping in for a favourable update on one of their projects. It passes ninety minutes far quicker than if she had been alone, she's certain. It gives her something else to focus on and even finds herself hungry for a late lunch by the end of it.  


Lena is on her way back to her office for her purse when Camila practically jogs up to her.

 

"I want you to know that I _specifically_ said no to an unannounced visit and to leave before I called the police, nevermind security," Camila opens with, a desperate lilt to her voice. "And she ignored me anyway, somehow getting all the way past the desk when all I did was _blink_ -"

 

Lena swallows.

 

"It's all right."

 

"Should I call security?"

 

While Lena does have a vague curiosity over how that whole scene would play out, she declines, much to the relief of her assistant. Less of a fuss meant less chance of being fired.

 

Lena enters her office like normal and comes face to face with Kara, who is sat —boldly, if you ask Lena— on the couch, shoulders close together with an expression that screams timid civilian more than superhero. Lena watches Kara swallow thickly at the sight of her. If Lena's heart hadn't slowed to a heavy throb and picked up immediately after the relieved sag of Kara's shoulders, she would have reveled in it, twisted it into some sort of strike in the tally of her own favour.

 

"Lena," Kara breathes.

 

Lena braces herself at the sound of Kara's voice, schools her face to a perfect imitation of composure. "Kara," she returns.

 

“God, I’ve been so worried.”  
  
“That’s nice.”  
  
Kara's brows pinch at the disinterest of Lena's tone. She slides forward to the edge of the couch, unable to take her eyes away from her. "Before anything, please let me-"

 

"Forgive me," Lena interrupts to amend. "Supergirl."

 

Kara stares, a well-rehearsed and wholly sincere apology lodging in her throat. She's aware of how much she looks like a fish out of water. There's so much she wants to say. Kara licks out at her lips. "I want you to know-'

 

Lena pours herself a glass of water for something to do more than anything. "You're sorry, it was all to protect me, and it had absolutely _nothing_ to do with my family name," she finishes. Lena has had a variation of this conversation with Kara numerous times in her head, too many to be affected anymore.

 

" _Yes_ ," Kara says.

 

“Well then, it appears you’ve said your piece… I trust you remember where the door is?”  
  
Kara shoots to her feet. “Please don’t do this without giving me chance to explain.”  
  
“There’s nothing to explain. And honestly, I have nothing to say to you,”  
  
Panic spikes through Kara. “Yes, you do. I know you do.”  
  
Damn it if she wasn’t right.  
  
Lena gives in because she wants to, not because of any other reason. “What are you doing here, Kara? Honestly, what good do you think this is doing right now?”  
  
“You know what I’m doing here.”  
  
“Betraying my wishes instead of my trust,” she laments as Kara seems to shrink. “Congratulations on your graduation. I should have bought you a gift.”  
  
“Lena, I’m trying to make things right. I can’t do that if I can’t see you.”  
  
The explanation, uttered so sincerely, snaps something inside of Lena. It happens so quickly she hasn’t time to prevent it. “You can’t fix this!”  
  
Kara’s eyes fill in return, shrugging her shoulders up. “I have to,” she says with quiet conviction.  


“You should have thought about that.”  


“I’m so sorry,” Kara says, stepping closer as if a physical closeness will help her to cope with how out of reach Lena seems to be. “You have to know, hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted.”

  
Lena regards Kara carefully and sips at her glass of water, needing a moment to be well and truly mortified at her little outburst. That wasn’t part of the plan. “Pick that up,” Lena requests, gesturing vaguely.

  
Kara frowns. “What?”

  
Lena gestures again. “That,” she says, more confident than before.

  
Kara deflates. “Lena.”

  
“Surely a couch isn’t too much for Supergirl to handle. Come on, indulge me. I’d like to see the show without the cape.”

  
“You know I can do it, I just don’t understand-”

  
“Pick it up, Kara.”

  
Kara moves away and picks up the couch like she’s lifting a box of tissues. Sees the tears making Lena's eyes shine and _hates_ it. She lowers the furniture back to the floor and watches Lena’s jaw tighten stubbornly.

  
“Well, then.”

  
“Lena, please let me help you understand.”

  
“That won’t be necessary,” Lena declines, moving to sit behind her desk. Her knees don’t feel as strong as they did a few minutes ago. She casts a sharp gaze to Kara. “You remember the way out.”  
  
Logically, Kara knows she should leave. In this instance, she is not ruled by her brain. She remains stubborn and follows, perching in the seat opposite. “Keeping this from you-”  
  
“I don’t care which exit you use, but use one,” Lena orders. “Now.”  
  
“No!” Kara refuses, reaching out. For one glorious moment, their hands touch. “Please, _please_ let me explain.”  
  
“Don’t touch me.”  
  
The low, warning tone is enough for Kara to withdraw, however reluctantly. “It was to keep you safe. If my enemies knew how important you are to me, you’d just be another walking target.”  


“I’m a Luthor, don’t you think I’m already a walking target for homicidal maniacs? I’ve been one most of my life. Enough so that, honestly, I don’t know what it’s like to not be. So if that’s all you have, spare me.”

“It’s not the same.”  


“Of course not.”  
  
“It’s not! The _things_ that I expose you to by knowing my identity? They keep me up at night. They’ve made my stomach turn more times than I can count. Aliens who would do anything to hurt me? They’d hurt _you_ .” The fire in Lena’s eyes remains, so Kara presses on. “I wanted to be yours. Just yours. Everybody knows me as Supergirl. As a hero. But with you, I could just be… me. I could just be Kara Danvers and not have you want anything more from me, or have those expectations that I am so tired of always meeting. I wanted to be enough, like this.”  


There’s a defiant, resistive flicker across Lena’s face. “Not to worry darling, I don’t expect anything from you again.” She certainly doesn’t expect the way Kara’s face falls to cut through her.  


“Don’t say that.”  


“The truth? Is it really that strange to hear?”  


Kara’s mouth tightens, brows pinched. “You don't mean it.”  


“I do.”  


“You don’t! Lena, I wanted to tell you. It killed me not being able to.”  


Kara looks so damn sincere that Lena wants to hate her for it. “I don’t see strings, Supergirl, you’re not a puppet. If you wanted me to know, you would have told me. It’s that simple.”  
  
Except, of course it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t as if Kara could sit back and accept that she had maliciously lied to Lena for years because it wasn’t like that.  
  
It was getting mean. Things have begun to spiral without them really knowing how badly until Kara can hear Lena’s heart beating, hear how it pounds in anger, and wants to calm her like all the times before. She wants Lena in her arms.  
  
Invulnerable or not, Kara thinks Lena may kill her for even trying.  
  
_“Miss Luthor, I’m sorry to interrupt but the system shows that your 3PM has just checked into the building downstairs. Should I show him in to your office, or would you prefer a few minutes?”_ _  
_ _  
_ Lena leans towards the intercom on her desk and wills her voice to be strong. “Not at all, send him right in. Miss Danvers is leaving.”  
  
With a weary sigh, Kara admits defeat for now. “If I could see you tonight…” she trails off softly.  
  
“I’m busy,” Lena informs in a matter-of-fact tone that leaves no wiggle room, gathering papers on her desk so that she doesn’t have to see the certain disappointment on Kara’s face.  
  
Kara is at the door when she turns back and sees the way Lena is doing anything to avoid looking at her. She knows this Lena, has seen her before. It’s just always been directed at other people. The radio silence has driven her crazy the past few weeks, it’s true, but this? Kara is wholly unequipped to deal with the way it makes her feel.

  
  
  


\--  
  
  


Kara doesn't blame anyone but herself for the mess she and Lena are in but that doesn't prevent her from withdrawing from her friends. She can't bring herself to host or attend a game night if Lena won't be there. Although she appreciates what she thinks is her friends just trying to help keep her spirits up, she just can't. The only person she can stand to be around right now is Alex.

 

It's been over a week since Kara has seen Lena, and almost then since she slept.

 

She's at the DEO, one foot propped up on the seat she's sitting on as she watches Alex and a small team of agents lead three shackled aliens through the facility towards the cells. One of them recognises Supergirl and thrashes out of Alex's arms, rushing towards Kara with a ferocious snarl.

 

Kara watches him approach like a movie she's seen a dozen times, doesn't react besides a flick of her eyes as he his leap brings him closer and closer.

 

He grins, fist outstretched, until something bites into his shoulder and pain wraps around every nerve in his body to send him crashing onto the table Kara sits at where he jerks violently. Alex doesn't take her finger off the trigger to her taser right away, eyeing her sister instead.

 

“Y’okay?”

 

Kara’s elbow rests on her knee, propping her chin up. Her voice sounds far away. “Thanks for saving me.”

 

A gross exaggeration if there ever was one, but Alex will take it. “All in a day’s work.”

 

The remaining two aliens struggle against their captors and also glare over at Kara.

 

“Don’t even start!” Alex warns them.

 

They snarl and growl, tongues clicking. Kara knows enough of what they’re saying to translate it to _prepare yourself, more are on the way_. She gives them a hearty thumbs up.

 

Alex frowns. “What?”

 

“Nothing,” Kara says with a sigh. “Their usual crap.”

 

Hands full trying to haul an unconscious alien off the main operations table, Alex is appeased. “Oh. Okay. Just- Kara, please don’t piss off the criminals before bed? It makes for bad interrogating in the morning. They’re… snippy.”

 

Kara shrugs.

 

“Speaking of,” Alex starts. “Wanna help me kick that off tomorrow?” She passes the alien off to two approaching agents and turns to her sister, softens her voice. “C’mon, you love running point with me. The Danvers sisters against the whole galaxy.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Whoa… Try to contain the excitement,” Alex teases, bringing a small smile to Kara's mouth.

 

“Sorry,” Kara says, brighter than before. “I’m in.”

 

“Why don’t you go home? It’s late. I’ll bring the coffee tomorrow, you bring your guns.”

 

Kara shakes her arms out. “They'll be here, boss.”

 

Alex is worried despite the light-hearted banter, watching Kara rise and walk away. She wants to tell Kara to go straight home without any pit stops to a certain Luthor’s residence but she isn’t actually in charge of Kara’s actions and, well, she’s also fairly certain that where Lena is concerned, nothing will ever keep Kara away.

  
  
  


\--

  
  
  


It’s dark and calm in Kara’s apartment until there’s an annoying sound at the door.  
  
Dragged from sleep, Kara frowns against it and rolls over. She makes a small noise of protest and in the same second her eyes are so heavy that she’s powerless to fight the pull, back asleep so quickly that she wouldn’t have remembered waking had the noise stopped.  
  
Alas, it does not.  
  
Kara grunts again moments later.  
  
The noise gets louder. Someone is knocking. Her eyes open with difficulty and she listens to see if it’s at her door or someone else in the building. What originally began as a knuckle knock seems to develop into a side fist bang and, respectfully, Kara is inclined to yell for them to shut the hell up.  
  
She bends at the waist when it clicks that the noise is originating from her door, kicking and throwing the warm covers off in a dramatic flair.  
  
Kara crosses her apartment scratching the back of her head and rubbing at her sore eyes, disengaging the lock and tugging on the door without looking. The light from the hallway bleeds into the kitchen and she squints away from it.  
  
“Alex you have a key, you could have used it.”  


“Actually, I couldn’t.”  


Kara’s head snaps up, eyes wide. “Lena.”  


Lena directs her attention to Kara’s sleep attire. The sight is unfairly adorable. “You almost sound surprised,” she says as she walks inside, their shoulders brushing in the process.  


Kara wonders if it’s appropriate to tell Lena that, actually, she is surprised, that Lena is the last person she would have expected to show up on her doorstep in the middle of the night. She flinches when the lights are flicked on with no warning. It takes a moment to adjust.  


“Are you okay?” Kara eyes her for any immediate and obvious signs of injury.  


“Great.”

  
Lena smiles like nothing is wrong. It prickles against Kara’s skin, sleep forgotten. “It’s good to see you,” she can’t stop herself from saying. Lena is dressed like she's been out to dinner and drinks and has to swallow against the rising jealousy in her throat. If she did, it must have gone well. “Can I get you something? Can I- can I do something?”

  
“No,” Lena says.

  
Kara feels oddly vulnerable the longer Lena stares at her. She doesn't know what to do. She can tell Lena's been drinking. Even if she couldn’t smell it, she can see the glazed shine in her eyes, the attractive flush of her cheeks. She wants to tell her she looks beautiful or to whistle the way that used to make Lena honest to God giggle. Instead, Kara shifts her weight to one foot, wrings her fingers.  
  
Lena takes in Kara’s bed head, hair mussed at the back like she took a shower before bed and didn’t take time to dry it properly before she fell asleep. She eyes the soft pyjamas and even softer expression on Kara’s face, bare from anything but a moisturiser. Kara looks like… her Kara. _Just_ Kara. It makes Lena want to cry. She wants to hate her. God, she wants to hate her.  
  
“Stay,” Kara says quietly.  


The offer is unexpected. It’s written all over Lena’s face. “What?”  


“With me,” Kara pushes on. “I’ll take the couch. You, um… you go make yourself comfortable.” She doesn’t say that while Lena does look wonderful, she also looks as tired as Kara feels.  


Lena smiles again, but this time it’s different. “Stay with you?” Kara shrugs and this time Lena laughs. She opens her mouth to respond and another laugh escapes; fuller. “Kara,” Lena admonishes. “You broke my heart and you expect me to, what, have a little sleepover like we’re best friends forever?”  
  
Pain blows through Kara’s chest so violently she thinks she loses her breath. She bites her lip to stop the tremble. It only helps a little. Lena looks so hurt and Kara’s eyes prickle. “Why are you here, then?” She’s left to stew in silence for longer than she can cope with. “Huh? You came to me. I was giving you space. I was giving you what you wanted."  
  
“You’re so good to me,” Lena sighs.  
  
“You wanna know what I think? I think you’re drunk,” Kara accuses darkly. “And you came here to hurt me.”  
  
Lena nods slowly, mouth jutting as if impressed. “Alien intuition, or what?” she chuckles.  
  
“You don’t have to be mean. I never- I never set out to hurt you. Ever.”  
  
“Sorry, Kara.” Lena swallows like it’s a difficult task. “Supergirl.”  
  
“Lena…”  
  
“Kara Zor-El,” she continues defiantly over the warning, her arm sweeping out in a half-hearted motion so that her fingers touch Kara’s arm. “I am _sorry_ if my human truth hurts your non-human feelings.”  
  
Kara would be mad if she wasn’t so worried. “Hey, stop,” she says gently, lifting her fingers to touch Lena’s hand.  
  
The physical connection stops whatever hurtful thing Lena was about to say. She can’t even remember it. A strong surge of pain rolls through her head, an unpleasant reminder of the scotch she’s consumed tonight. In nothing more than instinct, her fingers tighten around Kara’s arm to stabilise herself. The soft, pleading voice makes Lena painfully aware of how far she has to go before she hates Kara. It angers her.  
  
“Why?” she demands, pulling away.  
  
“Because this isn’t a good idea right now. Sleep, sober up, and then you can say whatever it is that you need to say.”  
  
Lena glares, as if she needs permission.  
  
“You betrayed me,” she declares, expression dark. Miraculously, once the words are given life they hurt even more than when they lived inside of her. She glares against the anguish coming off Kara in waves. “You know that?”  
  
Kara nods. “I know.”  
  
“You _betrayed_ me!”  
  
The outburst shocks Kara into a heated response. “I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry for that, Lena.”  
  
“You’re sorry you were caught.”  
  
“Don’t.”  
  
“You’re sorry you have to face the consequences.”  
  
The accusation cuts and Kara can’t stand it. “I’m sorry I hurt you! That’s what I’m sorry for. For making you second guess how important you and your friendship are to me, for making you think it was anything about you. It wasn’t. It was never about you, it was me. All me. Please believe me when I tell you that keeping this part of me separate from you has been one of the hardest things—”  
  
Lena’s laugh is unexpected to both of them if the way Lena covers her mouth is any indication.  
  
“Kara.”  
  
Kara’s face heats.  
  
“Is that the best you’ve got?”  
  
“It’s the truth,” Kara insists stubbornly.  
  
“You’ve been through quite the ordeal, haven’t you? I’m terribly sorry.” Lena takes pleasure in the way Kara’s eyes narrow.  
  
“You might not believe me, but I have no reason to lie to you anymore. The way I _feel_ is—”  
  
“You feel? Huh. Kara Danvers, the alien, experiencing human emotion? That is interesting. Still not sure I buy it, but.”  
  
Kara feels the words like a blind blow, knocking the wind out of her. Her stomach churns uncomfortably. “You know… I might be from another planet, but I know more about being human than you do, right now.” Lena bristles, lifting her chin higher as if preparing herself for another assault but Kara has had enough. She softens her approach and voice. “I don’t want to fight, Lena. I’m sorry. But like I said, I have no reason to lie to you now. Knowing you’re hurting because of me kills me. Like, actually physically hurts me, so don’t tell me-”  
  
“And I have no reason to believe anything you say ever again,” Lena responds smoothly. “That’s just the way it is. I don’t know what else you were expecting from me.”  
  
Kara stares dumbly, brow pinched. The truth is she doesn’t know. Her eyes drink Lena in, taking in the familiar comforting scent of her perfume hanging in the air around them. Strangely, it’s comforting. Above everything, she misses her. Kara misses Lena in a way that is difficult to unpack.  
  
“I really am sorry, Lena.” It’s futile, but she says it anyway.  
  
Despite being the one to inflict so much pain, despite being able to lift literal buildings, Lena despises the way Kara manages to look small, almost fragile. She hates the way her name still sounds safe in Kara’s mouth and how standing here screaming at each other has made her feel more alive and connected than she has in over a month.  
  
Lena wants to hate her. She vows to.  
  
Her driver waits outside Kara’s building for her and when he’s driving her home a short while later, Lena orders him to remind her to hate her, makes him promise not to forget.  
  
  
  
  
\--

  
  


The alien interrogation the next morning goes as badly as Kara expects it to. None of them say a word, quite literally. None of them so much as flinch at the threat of violence or indeed the violence itself. Even J’onn gets nothing. They’re thrown back into their containment cells and Kara heads off to work more frustrated than ever.  
  
It takes her mind off things much more than she expected, even if she doesn’t like the new owner of Catco. Nia helps. Nia always helps.  
  
Being busy helps. Work has been solid since the article with Lex.  
  
The day passes and Kara only thinks of Lena every other minute, so it’s progress. It’s progress until she’s clocking out for the day and is hit with the awful realisation that she has another evening to sit around and remember all the times she almost told Lena her truth and mentally kicks herself for not doing it. Or at least not on the plane.  
  
At least Lena wouldn’t have been able to run away from her.  
  
Over dinner Kara considers calling but she knows there’s no point. She doesn’t feel there’s much point to anything.  
  
She ends up at the DEO blowing off steam in the training room. It’s exactly what she needs.  
  
Kara thinks of Lena and how much she wishes she could jump into the sky and turn back time to their first meeting. She thinks of it sometimes. Without even knowing each other, Lena saw enough potential in Kara to give her the courage to follow down a career path that has given her as much purpose and joy as being Supergirl. Kara knows her life changed for the better that day.  
  
If she’s honest with herself, she’s always been in awe of Lena.  
  
It’s almost as if there are two Lena’s. Lena Luthor: stoic, almost untouchable businesswoman with a comfortable amount of billions in her bank account, and _Lena_ : kind, funny, warm, would do anything for you. Kara misses both of them. Watching Lena work was always good fun. It’s like she was made to be a boss. The way she commands people, the way they’re intimidated by her? Well, Kara can’t blame them, Lord knows she would be a flustering mess if she worked under Lena Luthor without knowing her. Kara loves to see Lena in her element, commanding and confident, and she likes her in casual clothes laughing at a stupid movie they’re watching, or when she gets competitive during game nights and cheers for herself when her turn goes favourably.  
  
Kara was so lucky before.  
  
Unfortunately for her, wallowing is a luxury she can’t afford to have as an agent barges through the door and announces a situation requiring Supergirl’s assistance downtown.  
  
Of all things, it ends up being a jewelry store robbery.  
  
There seem to be three out of four police officers unconscious or bleeding by the time Kara touches down. It doesn’t take long to deal with, though she will have to remember not to judge a book by its cover after going to help the elderly man out first and he shoots her in the stomach. Something about needing some quick cash after a bad investment and losing a large percentage of his remaining retirement fund. If it were just her that he shot, she would have empathised with him. Everybody makes mistakes. But he left a trail of destruction and put lives on the line.  
  
Later, Kara pats the back of an ambulance as it transfers one of the officers, bathed in flashing red lights as a familiar heartbeat finds its way through all of the noise to her. She turns, eyes searching until they find exactly what they’re looking for.  
  
Lena’s heart beats a little faster when they set eyes on each other, fresh dry-cleaning hooked over her arm. Kara thinks hers does, too.  
  
There’s so much she _wants_ to say, and so much she is scared to say.  
  
Lena’s driver prompts her closer to the car and reminds her of the time and Kara has had more than enough dismissals from Lena lately and can’t bear another one so, with a respectful nod, she bends at the knee and shoots up, up and away.  
  
If she was worried about spending the night unoccupied, Kara needn’t have worried.  
  
She’s showered and is mostly at the bottom of a large bowl of chicken stir-fry when Alex calls her in.

  
  
  


\--

  
  
  


The fundraising gala isn't even halfway over yet and Lena is already wishing that her obligation to attend such social events wasn't so set in stone.

 

The estimated total of donations has already been blown out of the water. The Luthor Family Children's Hospital is set for a number of high-end theatre upgrades and she's thrilled for the children. She truly is. But she honestly cannot force many more conversations of people quite obviously itching to ask her about Lex, or any other topic if she's really honest with herself. She doesn't care.

 

She sits on a bar stool, crossing her legs as she motions for the bartender.

 

Lena asks for a water but it comes out low and commanding and sounds suspiciously like one of the more expensive brands of scotch stocked behind the bar.

 

There's a man smiling by the side of her.

 

Lena speaks into her phone. "Siri, remind me to buy throat lozenges on the way home. I seem to be losing my voice." The bartender looks to her for consent on the drink. "Water. No ice but I'd like to taste lemon instead of just the rind like last time."

 

"A woman who knows what she wants," her bar neighbour comments. "I'm into it."

 

Lena gives him a quick once over. He looks older than her by no more than ten years, salt and pepper beard, charming smile. Admittedly, his, she would guess, six-foot-five frame fills out his suit nicely. By a purely objective assessment, he's attractive.

 

"A man generalizing women," Lena returns. "Not into it."

 

He laughs. "I'm Andrew. And you are?"

 

Lena takes her drink gratefully, takes a sip and blandly answers, "Lois Lane."

 

"It's like that, is it?"

 

He sounds disappointed and Lena is now remembering several times she's seen him around tonight. It's obvious he's been working up to speaking to her but she can't do this. She doesn't know how to even begin explaining how much she can't do this.

 

"Sorry," she offers, more sincere than she means to be.

 

He shrugs it off gracefully. "Sorry to have bothered you. Enjoy the rest of your night."

 

She'll try.

 

She drinks water the rest of the evening, idly imagining it to be a vodka soda on the occasions she's stuck in a conversation she cannot get away from without appearing rude. There’s a woman across from her, the wife of the Chairman of the Department of Radiology and Imaging at the hospital, and her red dress is just making her think of Kara and the way she looked as Supergirl, bathed in red light. Even now, her memory always a pale comparison to the real sight, it nearly takes her breath away.  
  
Much to her chagrin, Lena has spent most of her time since last night in some sort of trip down memory lane with how many times Supergirl has saved her. God, she wants to hate her.  
  
Lena is halfway imagining wearing her glasses the next time she and Kara see each other and claiming her name isKieran. It’d be worth it to see the annoyed pull of Kara’s brow. The alarming sound of glass smashing interrupts before she can draft up any fantasy dialogue and she turns to the direction of the noise. One by one all of the windows lining the ground floor cave in, spreading glass and terror everywhere.  
  
Hysteria rises the moment the first smoke bomb explodes, bullets spraying through the air.  


  
  
  


\--

  
  
  


Alex and Kara are suitably buzzed by the time they return to the DEO with a sizeable haul of criminal aliens off the streets --sore and tired, but also pleased with the fruits of their labour. Kara is thinking of the pints of ice cream she has in her freezer to fill the hole fighting has left in her belly, mentally going through which flavours of syrup she’s stocked up on when she realises the aliens are lively, much more than they should be given their impending imprisonment. Their energies feed on each other’s, rising to a cacophony of noise.  
  
“That’s enough!” Alex yells, succeeding in only making them worse.  
  
Kara grips her alien around the throat, swiftly cutting off any sound he’s making. She trades a worried look with Alex. “What’s their problem?”  
  
Tranquilisers take care of the problem and the women hand over their respective aliens to other members of the team. There’s been a lot of activity lately, activity that hasn’t led to much. It doesn’t make much sense.  
  
“Ma’am.” Alex and Kara both look up at the agent’s greeting. “We have a civilian situation.”  
  
They head over to the monitor he’s sitting at and Kara stands with her arms folded as his fingers move over a keyboard and then the image is sent to the large screen behind. They turn to see live chaos of a calculated attack going on.  
  
Alex squints like it will help her to see past the smoke on the screen. There’s no audio but the telling flashes of guns firing needs no sound.  “What the…”  
  
Some people are still and unmoving on the floor but most run around like trapped animals, attacked by masked men wherever they think they’re safe. Kara grits her teeth at the sight of a woman being pistol-whipped and the man closest to her dropping to the floor in a way all too telling of death.  
  
“They’re human,” Alex comments with a level of disbelief. She’s so used to aliens pulling this kind of shit, it never ceases to amaze her that people do this too. More often than aliens.  
  
The camera jumps locations and settles on a clearer image, one that neither she nor Alex have to squint against. This time there _is_ an alien; a big one, whose large, meaty hands are wrapped around Lena’s slender throat as he walks her backwards.  
  
“Where are they?” Kara demands, panic turning her eyes wide.  
  
“Astor Plaza downtown.”  
  
Kara is gone by the time Alex can open her mouth.  
  
  
  


\--

  
  
  


People are dead, Lena knows. How many is anybody’s guess. She thinks, almost for certain, that she will be added to that number.  
  
There were _men_ attacking, killing, and she ran to the nearest staircase to escape outside when she was grabbed by her hair, tight enough for her to cry out and drop her phone. She makes it outside by sheer miracle alone when a blow from behind sends her knees and the heels of her palm biting into concrete. There’s barely enough time for the pain to register before she’s being turned over and pulled up to her feet via a hand around her throat that is so thick and strong that it cuts off her ability to breathe immediately.  


It's the man from the bar, Andrew. He retains his human appearance but the yellow flash of his eyes tell her he is anything but.

  
She claws at him, her hands dwarfed in comparison: tiny fingers scraping uselessly over his thick ones. Lena walks backwards, angling her body as far away from him as she can with little success. He brings his other hand up, using both to wrap around her throat. There’s a sickly lurch to her stomach when the next steps are backwards into the pool with an oppressive weight following down over her.  
  
She tries to scream, uses her legs to kick at him and twists her body away in desperate attempts to escape from where she’s pinned to the bottom.  
  
Lena is _furious_ at the idea of being murdered like this. Positively enraged. If her floating, lifeless body is photographed and splashed over the covers of every national newspaper in the country tomorrow she will exact _vengeance_ .  
  
More than that, Lena is terrified. From the sheer amount of times her life has been on the line, terror should return as an old friend but it’s more like a recurring nightmare that won’t leave her alone. The pressure around her throat increases and something not unlike fire begins to spread across her chest.  
  
It’s loud.  
  
That’s the first thing Lena realises.  
  
The second is that the hands around her throat are gone and she’s gasping for breath by the side of the pool. It doesn’t seem to help, even out of the water she _can’t_ breathe; her body doesn’t remember how to. She can just about suck in enough air not to pass out and be comforted by the hand stroking the hair from her face when a soft voice tells her she’s safe. All she can do is sink into the relief of it while the desperately sharp, uneven gasps gradually slow to a pant.  
  
It’s Kara.  
  
Of course it’s Kara.  
  
Drenched from head to toe, hair plastered to her head much the same as Lena imagines her own to be, concern painted across her face. Concern Lena isn’t sure she deserves.  
  
“Are you okay?” Kara asks quietly, afraid anything louder will break the spell.  
  
Unable to stop shaking and feeling the beginnings of what she is certain will be a sore, swollen throat for days to come at least, Lena nods.  
  
Police sirens come from every direction below, surrounding the building. If Kara hadn’t been here Lena knows the police would have been too late.  
  
“Where is he?” she asks with a scratchy voice, watching Kara’s blue, blue eyes look away from her and narrow slightly.  
  
“Across the street. Twenty-third floor of whatever investment building that is. He’s unconscious, for now.”  
  
“Don’t kill him.” Kara frowns against it and Lena swallows to soothe the burn in her throat. “I mean it. They used guns downstairs, they’re human. He wasn’t. I need to know who he’s working for.”  


  
Kara reaches up to her ear, feeling for the comm nestled just inside in case it had come out in the pool. It’s there. “You heard the lady. Keep him detained and we’ll interrogate in the morning. Make sure the cuffs are tight.”  
  
Alex’s relieved voice comes through instantly. “Already en-route. Are you guys okay?”  
  
“Will be,” Kara says, hope piercing through for the first time in weeks as she looks down at Lena.  
  
The earnest expression on her face is too much for Lena and she has to look away, only then realising her hand has been curled into a loose fist on top of Kara’s thigh. She sniffs and detaches herself from her while she’s strong enough to. “I should see to the chaos waiting for me down there.”  
  
“I’ll take care of that.” Kara’s tone is more pleading than anything and Lena nods gratefully. “Will you be okay here for a minute?”  
  
Doubt smothers Lena’s face as she assures her she’ll be fine and it’s enough to give Kara reason to hesitate. “They need you. Go.”  
  
_And you don’t?_  
  
Kara doesn’t say it with her voice but it’s written so clearly across her face that she might as well have shouted it. Lena has to look away.

  
  
  
  


\--

  
  
  


The first thing Lena notices the next morning as Kara, dressed as Supergirl, opens the door for her to one of the interrogation rooms is that the man -alien- from last night has a grossly swollen eye, purple contusions covering the left side of his face.  
  
Kara insists on having Lena stay behind the glass so to speak but of course that won’t do. A Luthor does not shy away from their assassins.  
  
Her eyes drift to Kara who shrugs innocently. Though Lena would prefer to have her teeth pulled than admit it, something about the sheepish way Kara reacts to the silent accusation makes her feel something she hasn’t felt in what feels like forever.  
  
God, she wants to hate her.  
  
Alex moves away from the wall she was doing a stellar job of propping up and pulls the chair out for Lena to sit, taking the one next to her. Kara rounds the table and sits next to Andrew, who is back in human form, crossing her legs and leaning back in her seat like she’s arrived at a friendly lunch.  
  
It’s a decidedly strange thing to be opposite the creature who almost murders you less than twelve hours later, Lena muses some time later, though she doesn’t spend much time unpacking why he appears so much smaller and less frightening with Kara there.  
  
Information doesn’t come easily.  
  
While Lena is well-versed in waiting out all sorts of rivals, the close-call on her life has her understandably antsy. She takes a sip of hot tea Alex had brought in for her and cocks a brow at Andrew, arm folded over her lap. “Perhaps he needs help seeing the bigger picture.”  
  
He smirks at the scratchy sound of her voice but otherwise remains silent.

 

“Who ordered the attack?” Alex commands. “You know it’s going to be better for you if you cooperate.”  
  
“Are there going to be more?” Kara asks, concern deepening an already present frown. The distinct lack of response does nothing to quell a rising sense of panic at the idea of something happening to Lena but it does the job in confirming her suspicion. “Call them off.”  
  
“I’m not the puppet master,” Andrew finally responds.  
  
“But you know who is,” Kara accuses. “It’s suicide. Whoever is coming… whoever sent you, you know I’ll stop them.”  
  
“I’m still here.”  
  
“For now,” Alex says.  
  
He looks to Kara. “Look, Supergirl, money makes this world go around and I was paid generously, I would say, looking at the target,” he says, taking in Lena across from him. “I thought last night would have ended in my bed instead of the pool but it doesn’t change the fact that she would be in a morgue if she hadn’t have had you on psychic speed dial. Totally unfair, by the way. Can’t wait to try again once I break out of here,” he grins.  


The wet crunch of his nose shattering and several teeth breaking makes Lena jump.

 

Kara tightens hold of his hair as she wrenches his head up from the table and he's stunned, grabs at nothing mid-air and spits several teeth out. Alex frowns at the blood staining her table.  
  
“When’s the next attack?” she demands. The garbled reply is lost on her. “You’re not getting shy again, are you?”  
  
“Fuck you,” he slurs.  
  
“I think he said he’d like to do a seventy-two hour fast before he speaks with us again,” Lena says with an unaffected edge to her voice. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”  
  
It’s obvious by the way Kara frowns that she’s displeased at the idea of putting the interrogation on hold, especially with the likelihood of more attacks, but Lena rises from her seat and waltzes out of the room without a glance back.  
  
Kara rushes out after her, barely touching her fingers to Lena’s hand when it’s pulled away.  
  
“Lena, wait.”  
  
Lena spins and the hardness of her eyes stops Kara dead in her tracks. A tense silence passes between them and Kara looks so confused at the shift in their exchange, like last night didn’t happen. It makes Lena feel like she’s kicked a puppy but she can’t help it.  
  
“Don’t let him scare you,” Kara says. “You know I’ll-”  
  
“I have a PR disaster to handle and funerals to pay for,” Lena cuts in, silencing the other woman at once. “In addition to dealing with the actual police today, I also have my job to do. I don’t have time to sit around and wait for some barbaric alien to decide how many crumbs he’s going to give me. I also don’t have time to rest at home or consider locking myself in a panic room until this has all blown over.”  
  
Kara’s eyes widen. “You can’t seriously tell me you’re going into _work_ today, Lena.”  
  
“Absolutely.”  
  
“You should take some time!” Kara implores. There’s a thin scarf wrapped around Lena’s neck and the whites of her eyes are speckled with a couple of tiny burst blood vessels. The sight cuts through her.  
  
“And do what, exactly? Eat ice cream and drink tea all day while watching movies with my best friend?” Lena asks with the kind of snide incredulity that would have made her mother proud, prepared for the wounded look on Kara’s face though not unaffected by it. She swallows down the apology that comes crawling dangerously high up her throat. “If that’s all…”  
  
Lena sounds so bitter and sarcastic and all Kara can think is _it’s my fault_ .  
  
Kara turns as Lena practically walks into her, brushing shoulders. All she can do is watch her walk away.  
  
  
  
  
\--

  
  
  


Lex is behind the attacks, Kara thinks she knows.  
  
It both is and isn’t a surprise to Kara since he disappeared off the face of the Earth all those weeks ago after they never recovered his body. She knew it was only a matter of time until he resurfaced, but she didn’t think it would be so soon or so sordid to involve murdering his younger sister for the sole reason of being Team Supergirl rather than Team Lex. Then again, it wasn’t like he hadn’t done this before.  
  
Lena doesn’t take Kara’s phone calls.  
  
She doesn’t take texts or messages taken through Camila, and she definitely does not read any e-mails Kara tries to sneak through either.  
  
It’s _days_ of avoidance.  
  
It’s ridiculous, in Kara’s opinion. So she does the only thing she can think of doing, purely in the name of safety. Lena is part of National City and Kara has long since vowed to protect all of its residents. Lena is one of them. Nobody can argue with that, not even Lena. Well, she probably will knowing her, but Kara doesn’t care. Her feet touch down on Lena’s balcony after seeing the lights still on. It’s late but not a totally unsociable hour.  
  
The blinds are wide open and Kara will definitely have to speak to her about that. There may be people out there trying to kill her, but she doesn’t have to make it _easy_ for them. Kara sweeps some hair behind her ear and a quick look inside reveals Lena is not in the living area or kitchen which means she’s in the bedroom or bathroom. She tunes in slightly to hear the sound of spraying water and detects a soft moan of satisfaction. An intrusive mental image invades her head and brings a swift colouring of her cheeks, heat spiking across the back of her neck. Kara turns away from the windows as if Lena has a psychic power and will be able to tell what the hell just flashed through her mind.  
  
Wearing a soft blue robe, Lena walks out of her bedroom and tips her head back to finish rubbing a layer of lotion into her neck. Her throat is still sore and while there’s a hideous bruise still wrapped around it, she has always healed from them quickly. It’s already in the brown, yellowy stage. A fact she is grateful for. There are only so many times she can ignore Camila’s barely concealed smirk every time she walks into the office with a scarf wrapped around her neck, as if hiding a hickey like some teenager.  
  
The sight of Supergirl —Kara— on her balcony makes Lena’s steps falter when she gets further inside her living area. Perched up on the railings facing away from her, hair and cape lightly blowing in the wind, all Lena does is stare. For a long, glorious moment, all she does is take her in.  
  
Kara looks down to hide a smile when she hears the sound of the balcony door being unlocked. She walks familiar steps into Lena’s home but casts her eyes around in case things have changed, half expecting an entire new colour scheme or a focal wall with _DIE SUPERGIRL_ written in an obnoxiously large, Kryptonite green font. There is nothing nearly as melodramatic, much to Kara’s relief. Everything looks exactly the same.  
  
It isn’t, of course. It’s especially evident as Lena turns to face her with a quizzical expression on her face. Kara’s eyes hone in on the bruising immediately and her brows pull down.  
  
“I’m fine,” Lena says before Kara has the opportunity to say anything. “Is the world ending?”  
  
“I… don’t think so?”  
  
“Then why are you here?  
  
Kara hesitates but decides the best thing to do is just say it. Pull the band-aid off quickly. “It’s Lex, he’s—he was behind the attack. I’m sorry, Lena,” she says, watching as something like relief passes over her face.  
  
“I know.”  
  
“You… know, what?”  
  
Lena shrugs. “I had a feeling. It was never a stretch to imagine it could be him. I wasn’t sure at first but as soon as I discovered the bullet I shot into his chest didn’t actually kill him, it was easy enough to connect the dots. If Lex was dead, I’d have been reading about his demise in the papers for _weeks_ and there’s been nothing.”  
  
For one dreadful second, Kara thinks she’s having an aneurysm. Her eyes go wide and she struggles for words the way she sometimes does around Lena, though usually under totally different circumstances. She pinches between her eyes. “Ah. What? You…”  
  
“Shot Lex, yes,” Lena says, calm like she’s commenting on the weather. The issues with her brother are in their own separate box that she doesn’t have time to sort through. It’s padlocked and she’s lost the key. “I got a little trigger-happy and-”  
  
“ _When?_ ” Kara demands. “‘Cause the last time I saw him, I was watching him fall from the sky.”  
  
“After, obviously.”  
  
Kara looks so confused. “Why?”  
  
“Because the world wasn’t safe with him in it,” Lena fires back without hesitation. “Not the people, and certainly not…” Lena trails off abruptly, her throat closing up. _You_ is so heavily implied in the way she looks at Kara that she hates it.  
  
“Lena, I promise you, there is no way Lex is going to hurt you. I’m always going to be here for you. Now that we know he’s out there, we’ve got a team working to find his l-”  
  
“No.” Lena says it so forcibly that it causes Kara’s mouth to snap shut. “Absolutely not. Nobody else needs to die for my brother. He’s always thought of himself as smarter than me. He’s wrong.”  
  
“Of course he is,” Kara agrees. “But you shot him last time and apparently that didn’t work. What else are you planning to do?”  
  
“Use a bigger gun.”  
  
“Oh, come on, Lena,” Kara sighs. “This isn’t you.”  
  
Lena frowns against that assessment. She’s not sure how Kara can deny it when she just openly admitted to doing so less than two months prior. “Even death doesn’t stop him. All I am planning to do for now is to dodge the attacks until he grows bored, rather than be the reason this city and country mourns Supergirl, and Alex her sister. Okay? I would rather die than have that kind of blood on my hands.”  
  
God, the ways Lex can hurt Kara… the things he could do to her.  
  
“Lena.” Kara steps closer when she sees the tears, wanting nothing more than to wrap her arms around her shoulders and pull her close. It stings to watch Lena’s body tense up in clear rejection but Kara backs off.  
  
“Thank you for coming to tell me,” Lena says, not half as hostile as she has been lately. “But I’d like you to leave.”  
  
It’s the last thing Kara wants but appears to be exactly what Lena needs. However much everything inside her body rejects the very idea of leaving her alone, Kara doesn’t resist this time. She’ll stick around outside for a bit, high enough that Lena won’t see her but close enough to be there should she need her.  
  
  
  
  
\--

  
  
  


The next attack comes after another long day of isolating herself from the first true family she really felt she belonged with by attending the last funeral of those who died at the fundraiser alone, unless you count her driver which she doesn’t. It took place several hours ago and since he was buried in his hometown it takes a couple of hours of her staring blankly out of her car’s window as her driver takes her home. She’s watched the sky’s colours bleed together and eventually turn dark.  
  
There’s a small but stocked minibar in the back of the car and she keeps looking at it like it’s done something to personally offend her. She toasted at the wake to be polite but ever since the night she showed up at Kara’s apartment she hasn’t been able to bring herself to drink. It’s too dangerous. She could end up back at Kara’s and say something worse than what she’d already said, could end up doing something even more reckless.  
  
There’s an alert on her phone. A news outlet reporting on Supergirl’s latest save.  
  
Lena’s thumb hovers over Kara’s face before she swipes to remove it.  
  
Out of sight, out of mind.  
  
She nearly scoffs out loud. Fat fucking chance of that.  
  
Lena is headed back towards the office despite it being ridiculously late to be there, having wanted the emotional distraction when they set back on their journey home, but she doesn’t think she can take being alone in a large building right now. She’s halfway through asking her driver to please drop her at home instead when the first tyre is blown out. The car drops heavily and spins out of control where it crashes into stationary cars at the side of the road. Lena's purse and its contents are hurled away from her as her body is thrown to the side violently, protected by her seatbelt. Her head follows the momentum, temple crashing against the interior of the car.

 

Pain blossoms across the area and her hand reaches up to cradle it. Her fingers come away spotted with blood and for a moment Lena’s stomach turns. It isn’t much but the sight and shock makes it alarming. The sight of her driver slumped unconscious in the front seat takes precedence and Lena calls his name to no avail.

 

The passenger window is blown out and an arm reaches through to fumble at the handle and pull the door open.

 

Lena thinks this is Lex’s doing.

 

She fights to unplug her seatbelt and bend at the waist, stretching to reach the spilled contents of her purse when she hears the sound of the rear doors being unlocked via the button on the driver’s side. Lena has been through more than anybody should have to at any age and she has been attacked so many times that it shouldn’t surprise her —really and truly should not surprise her— but it continues to. The survival instinct might be the strongest one she has.  
  
Lena is dragged out of the car kicking and screaming, her keys clattering to the ground. Fear has sucked the sensation out of her fingers and she wouldn’t bet her life on whether or not she managed to double-press the life-line Kara gave to her. She doesn’t know.  
  
“Black clothes again, Miss Luthor? How many funerals does that make you responsible for now?” the masked attacker baits.  
  
Part of her can’t argue with him but he’s there to kill her and though a tremendous amount of guilt weighs heavily on her shoulders, a logical voice inside tells her that she wasn’t at fault for any of the recent deaths.  
  
The knee she manages to slam into his groin is a stroke of luck.  
  
A sense of pride washes over her at his pained cry. Lena hopes Lex is watching. She half wants to flip him off in a defiant if not wholly immature expression of her feelings toward her brother but the more pressing matter of trying to escape with her life wins out.  
  
Lena isn’t sure where they are as it isn’t an area she frequents, especially alone at night, but it’s dark and quiet and expansively _empty_ . She supposes that’s why it was chosen. The sound of her heels clacking as she begins to run away echoes and taunts her; a painful reminder of being alone.  
  
Kara sees the scene below in slow motion; sees Lena in mid-run away from the latest men Lex has employed to kill her, and one of them standing in a wide stance, feet apart, one in front of the other with his arm extended away from his body like he’s pitching a baseball. Only it isn’t a ball.

 

Lena feels heat at her back in a single heartbeat and the next thing echoing is the sound of something metallic clattering to the ground. She spins around, unable to stop the relieved sag of her shoulders when she sees Supergirl— _Kara_ .  
  
Kara’s hands are careful but firm when they run down Lena’s shoulders and hold her steady. Anger swells inside at the sight of blood underneath her eyebrow; a small yet entirely unacceptable sight. Kara reaches up to stroke the skin around it. Of all the powers in her possession, the power to heal will never be one of them. Something she finds difficult to accept under current circumstances.  
  
All she can think is _it’ll bruise. Lena bruises easily._  
  
Lena can’t quite keep up with her heartbeat. It pounds relentlessly the longer Kara’s hands are on her She feels both heavy and light.  
  
“Are you okay?” Kara asks, and it’s so comforting to have someone care _so much_ after everything she’s been through that Lena has to bite the inside of her cheek not to cry.

 

Lena nods.  
  
She doesn’t deserve the way Kara is looking at her. She doesn’t deserve anything close to it. A dark part of her brain can’t help but fire back how Kara lied to her, deceived her every day for literally years. A war rages inside Lena and she frowns against it, her mouth opening and closing uselessly. Kara must interpret it as a sign of distress and makes it both better and worse by using a hand to cradle Lena’s face, eyes searching.  
  
“What did they do?”  
  
Every bit of self-control in Lena’s arsenal is used to lean away from the touch. Her voice shakes when she says, “I’m okay, I… I didn’t know who else to call. I-”  
  
“Fuck, it’s _Supergirl!”_ one of the men hollers from behind.

Kara is looking directly into Lena’s eyes when she hears the first gun go off. Those eyes, striking as ever, begin to close as a reaction to the sound and Kara steps into her space, so much so that she feels the heat of Lena’s body bleed into her own. Kara’s arms go to her cape to find purchase and pull it open, shielding Lena’s body.  
  
She feels more than sees the way Lena tenses up as the deafening sound of bullets rain around them.  
  
Some of the bullets miss but most of them don’t. They bounce off different parts of Kara’s body rapidly and she imagines them as if she wasn’t there at all, as if each and every one fires into Lena. The rage swells inside of Kara so hotly that she cries out, face twisted in fury. She tries to shove it down but the longer the bullets rain down against her back, the harder it is to contain.  
  
One second Lena is in the midst of an awkward, fumbled apology and the next she’s pressed close to Kara’s body and bullets are being fired at them relentlessly. Lena feels Kara begin to shake harder than she’s certain her own body is and dares to glance up, losing her breath at the sight. Kara’s eyes are screwed shut and _glowing_ . She thinks she gasps because suddenly Kara’s eyes are opening and they’re staring right at her. There’s fire in them, Lena is sure.  
  
A tear falls and from Kara’s eyes and Lena idly wonders if it will be hot to the touch. Unable to resist, she lifts her hand to Kara’s face and catches it, lips parting at the heat of it.  
  
The second the bullets stop Kara spins around and fires a wide line of heat vision at the three men behind, all in various stages of reloading their guns. It takes everything she has to torch their weapons instead of their bodies.  
  
Then, without a word, she takes Lena in her arms and bends at the knee, shooting up into the sky.

  
  


\--

  
  


Lena is crying when Kara sets her down on the balcony.  
  
“Lena, please tell me what I can do,” Kara begs as Lena paces away from her. After being so physically close for the first time in so long, she feels the loss acutely. “I just want to make it better.”  
  
This time Lena doesn’t doubt it.  
  
She doesn’t doubt it but the fact that Kara betrayed her for so long is a blow she doesn’t know how to recover from.  
  
“You _lied_ .”  
  
“I had honourable reasons,” Kara returns, desperate for Lena to understand.  
  
“You hurt me so much that I hardly know how to begin telling you.” The confession finally spills from Lena’s mouth and it’s a truth she’s held on to so tightly and for so long that it sounds strange to voice it, almost as if it belongs to someone else. Like a lot of her truths, they’re painful to hold on to and even worse to admit. It hurts even more to see it ruin Kara and then they’re both crying. She wants so badly to hate her. She doesn’t want to feel Kara’s pain as well as her own. She can’t. “Part of me hates you.”  
  
“Don’t say that.”  
  
“Part of me does, but so much of me doesn’t,” Lena breathes. “And I’m so mad at you for that, Kara. I-”  
  
Kara doesn’t know what comes over her. All she knows is that seeing Lena so broken switches off any rational thought inside her head and she walks forward, pressing their lips together solidly. Kara isn’t ignorant to the fact that it’s one sided, just her mouth pressed to Lena’s in the most desperately honest action she could think of; the burning need to be the salve to every bit of pain Lena is going through.  
  
When she pulls back, the gasp isn’t particularly loud but it might as well be an explosion for the way it cuts through the silence.

 

Lena didn't push her away, or demand for Kara to leave at once.

 

There’s no immediate regret or the sense that it shouldn’t have happened so Kara searches Lena’s eyes anxiously, looking for a sign that she feels differently. Lena looks confused and a little angry and though the fantasy is anything but new, the sudden, overpowering urge to kiss Lena again takes hold of Kara completely. Her eyes stubbornly flick back down to Lena’s mouth, her tongue sneaking out to dampen her lips before she leans back in and does it again.  
  
They’re so close and Lena doesn’t push Kara away but her voice is shaky when she says, “Do that again, and I swear to God…”  
  
Kara takes Lena’s face with one hand, forehead close. _God_ , Kara wants to. Now that she knows how it feels she doesn’t want to stop. Her whole body thrums with the need to devour Lena’s mouth. Their lips brush and Lena is essentially breathing against her mouth, unmoving. Kara can hear how fast her heart is beating and thinks her own is as wild but it isn’t until Lena sighs heavily and there’s a fist tightening against her suit that Kara kisses her again, and this time Lena gives in, kisses her smoothly, no trace of hesitation, like they've done this before a hundred times.  
  
Lena only needs to do it once, to see how it feels.  
  
The trouble is it feels better than she’s ever imagined, and boy has she imagined.  
  
She kisses Kara hard and desperate, like restraining herself from doing this long before now has been agony and any point in the future they aren’t coupled together like this will be just as bad.

 

It's been a long time since Lena has crossed the line with a friend. Years. Except Kara isn’t like them, never has been. Even before all the hurt and pain.  
  
Lena fumbles for the door handle mid-kiss but of course she doesn’t have her keys. One grunt of displeasure is all that’s needed for Kara to blindly feel, wrenching the handle down to snap the lock and pull the door open. The show of strength is thrilling but it's something else entirely for Lena to be held against Kara’s body and be walked backwards through her own home, even pushing back against Kara to be pressed up against the closest surface. The relinquishment of power, even for a moment, is as heady as the kisses.

 

Lena has Kara shoved against the pillar. The heat of her mouth, the softness of it is unmatched to anything Lena has ever felt before and she chases every press of Kara's lips and tongue with her own, already addicted. Kara makes a noise first and the sound of it travels straight between Lena's legs, powerless to stop an answering sigh of her own.

 

They're across the penthouse in a flash.

 

Inside the bedroom, Lena is reaching underneath Kara's cape for a zipper, distracted by how the material bunches in her hands and doesn't cooperate with how quickly she needs it ridden, when Kara's mouth lowers to her neck. It's almost pathetic how her body reacts to it, eyes shutting of their own accord. It's a grossly unfair attack on her senses and she abandons the zipper in favour of grasping each side of Kara's face and pulls her up to crush their lips back together.

 

She wants this so fucking badly.  
  
Lena has kissed enough people in her life to know that everyone really does kiss differently; some well, some okay, and some so god awful that she was embarrassed for them, but Kara kisses her and Lena thinks it’s the first time she’s truly been kissed in her life. It’s everything.  
  
Kara’s fingers slip underneath Lena’s blouse to find purchase against the small of her back and just like that, Lena doesn’t want to feel anything against her skin other than Kara’s. Her back arches as she breaks their kiss to pull her top over her head.  
  
Their laboured breaths mix together when Lena discards the item of clothing to the floor, eyes locked. Judging by their darkened hue, Lena is certain of her debauched appearance. She’s never seen Kara’s mouth like this before: kiss swollen and smudged with her own shade of lipstick. The sight of it is, while surreal, is intoxicating.  
  
Kara wraps an arm around Lena and then they’re on the bed.  
  
Lena’s mouth opens under Kara’s, desperately trying to satisfy the relentless desire inside of her growing hungrier the longer she knows what it’s like to be inside Kara’s mouth. It doesn’t help that Kara gives as good as she gets, kissing back so deftly that the building could fall down around them and Lena doesn’t think she would notice.  
  
Their legs rub together and although they’re part of the outfit and the outfit is _wonderful_ , the thigh-high boots are a gross infringement of what needs to happen.  
  
“Take them off,” Lena says against Kara’s mouth.  
  
A whoosh of air later and Kara is out of the Supergirl attire completely, pressing back into Lena in nothing but her bra and underwear.  
  
There’s so much skin to touch and Kara is so unbelievably soft. Lena pushes into her and twists on top. She’s so wet that she’ll be surprised if Kara can’t feel it even through her pants. Lena keeps her eyes trained on Kara’s face when she reaches back to unfasten her bra, watches how desire spreads over Kara’s face so clearly that it pools heat between her legs.  
  
Kara is kissing her again, bent at the waist with fingers dug into Lena’s hips like it will ease the shaking. Lena pulls away first, lungs betraying her, groaning at the sensation of Kara kissing and biting down the thick tendon of her neck. It makes her want to give in and press her hips down wantonly but she manages to restrain herself. She’s unclipping Kara’s bra in her next breath, both of them hastening to rid it before Lena is flat on her back on the other side of the bed.  
  
In all of the ways Lena has thought of this before, her chest rubbing against Kara’s is more than her imagination could ever conjure. Lena throbs at Kara’s firm touch and the smooth, warm skin of Kara's thighs bracketing hers, her traitorous body reacting to it like her blood has been ignited, so much wetter than she wants to be. That is, until she feels a desperate grind of Kara’s hips against her and Lena’s eyes nearly roll back when she feels how wet Kara is.

Kara is all over her, hands and mouth, but it isn’t enough. Lena's nails dig into soft skin and drag down, stopping at the curve of Kara's ass. She wants it to hurt, to _mark_ , for Kara to be as physically wrecked as she knows her own body will be after this. It won’t, of course, she knows that. The knowledge excites her and she’s emboldened enough to follow the sinful curve of Kara’s ass until it’s in her hands and she squeezes and pulls, drawing out the most delicious sound she’s ever heard.  
  
In an almost certain attempt to regain power, Kara’s mouth finally lowers to Lena’s full breasts. Lena feels Kara smile against her skin when she tips her head back against the pillow, a breathy curse spilling from her lips. It’s a blur of hands and lips and a soft, skilled tongue after that. It’s too much and not enough, and Lena fumbles to undo the black slacks infuriatingly still on her body. With steadier, surer hands, Kara helps to pull them off, taking Lena’s underwear with them.  
  
There’s an attractive flush spread all the way down Kara’s chest and Lena has a feeling she isn’t faring much better, especially when Kara twists away from her to pull her own final barrier away from their bodies.  
  
When they finally, finally press together, they both moan, mouths hot and open against each other’s. The pull of Kara’s brow, almost as if she can’t believe how _good_ it feels, is matched by Lena. It’s overwhelming. Kara swipes her tongue over Lena’s bottom lip and smears the wetness with her own lip, over and over.  
  
Lena spreads her legs and it’s so hot and wet between their hips that, _God_ , she could come any second and she wouldn’t even care.  
  
Kara rocks against her and breaks their kiss wetly, reaching to grip the pillow underneath.  
  
“Lena,” Kara groans.  
  
The low, whining tone has Lena shifting beneath, maneuvering Kara’s free hand between her legs. Then it’s her turn to moan; an extended, almost guttural sound, clipped when she moves Kara’s fingers over her clit a different way. It’s all the direction Kara apparently needs as she slips lower into silky, wet heat.  
  
_Kara is inside me_ , bounces around Lena’s head as soon as long, strong fingers push past the slight resistance at her entrance, sinking right into her.  
  
Just that, without Kara even _moving_ , God, it’s so much. It’s unbelievable.  
  
“Is this okay?” Kara asks, head dropped low. The answering throb pulling her fingers deeper isn’t enough of answer apparently and Lena’s hand shoots to the back of Kara’s head to fist her hair and push her down until they’re kissing again.  
  
Lena is impressively skilled at multi-tasking but all of that goes out the window with how _well_ Kara is fucking her. It isn’t like her other first couplings where they have to coach each other through what feels good and what doesn’t to a certain extent. Before she even knows her body needs it, Kara’s hand speeds up or down, rubs over her clit so ungodly slow that Lena feels like she might lose her mind altogether. Sweat has begun to gather at her hairline and her heart positively pounds inside her chest between shallow gasps. Kara is dragging her tongue over the warm skin of Lena’s neck when her pleasure rockets up. It goes from a solid ten upwards and Lena’s hips cant upwards to chase the fingers stretching her, bracing a foot against the mattress. A surge of pleasure rolls out down her thighs that has her abdomen tightening, almost panting as she strains to move harder and faster against Kara.  
  
It’s good.  
  
It’s so _fucking good_ that even if , God forbid, Kara stops touching her, Lena knows she’ll come anyway.  
  
Kara moans so beautifully against her ear and Lena thinks Kara must not have any idea of what that sound does to her because she breathes Lena’s name at an answering rush of wetness. Lena spreads her legs even wider, opening her mouth for a hot, messy kiss. She opens her eyes to see Kara staring down at her and she can’t wait anymore; not for Kara and not for her turn.  
  
“Ride me,” Lena demands breathlessly.  
  
She could feel it before, but not like this. Having Kara smear her wetness onto her thigh as she rolls her hips and gives in to her own pleasure is the beginning of Lena’s undoing. On the cusp of an orgasm sure to decimate her, Lena’s muscles tighten as she’s brought higher and higher. Distantly, she feels her hands shaking and then she’s _there_ , coming so hard that it steals the breath from her lungs and all thought from her mind.  
  
For an exquisite moment, it’s just her and Kara and she’s _warm_ and safe and nothing else in the world has ever or will ever matter other than this.  
  
Lena’s pleasure eventually ebbs away and Kara’s moan chokes off as she carefully pulls out of Lena to brace her arms either side of her on the bed, adjusting to allow more friction against her clit, and then nothing matters to Lena other than holding on to Kara’s hips as she rides Lena to completion. The sound Kara makes when she comes readies Lena for another orgasm; it’s a sound she knows she will never forget and a sight she will never unsee.  
  
They stay there like that for a while, trading slow, deep kisses until their bodies have cooled.  
  
Lena shivers and a blanket is draped over her in the blink of an eye. It’s thoughtful and she lies on her bed, naked, next to her very naked best friend, and she doesn’t know what to say, not right away. Her head is still fuzzy from her orgasm but she’s not so inept at picking up on body language that she can’t feel the way Kara panics the longer they lie there without talking.  
  
But it isn’t an uncomfortable silence, it’s more both of them realising how far they’ve gone past the point of no return.  
  
In lieu of words, Lena’s hand inches across the bed until Kara’s fingers are lacing with her own.  
  
After a while the need to pee wins out over everything and Lena’s hand tightens for a second before it lets go. “I’m taking a shower,” she says carefully, turning her head to meet impossibly pretty eyes. Kara looks like she doesn’t immediately know how to take it.  
  
“Okay,” she answers, then thinks better of it. There was really no point not to clarify if she was expected to join her or not. “Should I-”  
  
“Please,” Lena cuts in, absurdly grateful. “You don’t have to- I’m not throwing you out. You’re welcome to use the guest bathroom before leaving if you’d like.”  
  
Kara swallows and she doesn’t know if she’s disappointed or relieved. It still feels a little bit too surreal to actually be happening. “Okay,” she agrees, concerned by the way Lena chews her lip. “Please don’t freak out,” Kara begs.  
  
Lena pushes forward at the accusation and presses her mouth to Kara’s, kissing her once, and finishes it with a sweet peck before she pulls away and rises from the bed with the blanket clutched around her. She can’t very well stay in bed kissing, no matter how much she wants to.  She needs space and Kara does too, whether she knows it or not. “I’ll call.”  
  
“Do you promise?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Lena.”  
  
Halfway to the bathroom, Lena turns, irritation beginning to spike. “Kara, I promise you I will call. If I had no intention of doing so, believe me I would tell you.” Kara begins to smile in a charmed, fond, entirely new way that manages to pierce through Lena’s chest in a second.  
  
“I was just going to tell you… that you look beautiful like this. That you’re so beautiful. That’s all.”  
  
God, Lena wants to hate her. It’s all she’s wanted ever since she found out the truth. Her truth, meanwhile, is that she couldn’t be more in love with Kara if she tried. It’s been the truth for so long now.  


 

\--

  


  
There has been so, so much to process over the past few months.  
  
Just as Lena is making considerable progress in sorting through a complicated web of conflicting emotions concerning Kara’s secret, she then hears words like _Leviathan is everywhere_ and is expected to be frightened by its ominous connotation alone. Then she discovers —luckily at the same time as everybody else— that while Lex is in fact not dead, he’s not quite alive either. He and J’onn come face to face and, a heated exchange later, his face morphs into, well, something else completely. There’s entirely too much drama for only the second game’s night she’s managed to bring herself to attend, though she’s grateful it doesn’t directly involve her just yet.  
  
Whatever happens, and has happened, the sure knowledge that Kara is always _right there_ goes above and beyond everything. Whatever Lena has thrown at her the past few months, Kara has stayed. She’s stayed and she’s made good on every promise she’s ever made  
  
It’s new. Refreshing. It feels safe.  
  
Betrayal is something she knows better than most, but amends? Amends is new.  
  
Amends is… everything.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Shout out to @bearpantaloons for her help in getting this ready to post so quickly. Much appreciated. Also, it's probably worth noting that I don't watch Supergirl regularly except for clips or the odd episode here and there, so any canon inaccuracies are just an embarrassing error on my part and just skip over them, yeah? Also, I left it kind of open in case I want to come back and add to it at a later time.


End file.
